Friday, December 23, 2011

The (not so) Frugal Drinking Game!

I've previously written about my love of watching the Food Network because of all the scary, douchebaggy, and bat-shit crazy cooking show hosts who regale us with tales of culinary techniques both foreign and domestic. They certainly are a delight, and if they ever fail to amuse, there are always good drinking games to be played while watching their shows to lighten the mood and wobble your gait.

Recently, though, I've been watching youtube clips of some of the cooking show hosts from the days of yore.

 Justin Wilson, better known to most as the "Ah Gahr-Uhn-TEE" Cajun guy, is always entertaining, but in an old timey sort of way.

He also makes some pretty good food, though it's certainly not as flashy as the modern hosts. I recently made the recipe found in the video above (minus the chicken gizzards) and it was delicious.

But my search led me to a fella I'd largely forgotten about, Jeff Smith, "The Frugal Gourmet."

Oh, boy is this guy something else! He is rather tough to describe. He was a sweet old poop, and at the same time, a raging maniac. He pronounces "water" with about four h's before the first syllable (i.e. "hhhhwater") and "peanuts" as if it were a homonym of "penis." He also burns himself with alarming regularity. He has a massive case of attention deficit disorder and frequently pronounces a dish "done," "ready," or "ready to go" up to five times before he's finished adding ingredients. He frequently starts a story or recipe and begins a different story or recipe before the one he started is remotely finished. There are so many gaffes, foul-ups and nonsensical banter you won't believe it.

The above is a great example of what I'm talking about as well as a good starting point for my next cooking show drinking game, "The (not so) Frugal Drinking Game." I'll add some more good clips at the end (I've been bored recently) but here are the rules which you can mix and match at your discretion, but don't try too many at once:

1) 1 drink for every time he can't find an ingredient or utensil.
2) 1 drink for every time he clangs the cookwear obnoxiously loud.
3) 1 drink for every time he starts but fails to finish a sentence.
4) 2 drinks for every time he burns himself.
5) 2 drinks for every time he shows you previously prepared food, but forgets to inform you how to make it.
6) 3 drinks for every time he does the opposite of what he talks about.
7) 3 drinks for every time he declares his own food that he's just prepared to be "awful."
8) 4 drinks for every time he tells you to count to an irrelevant number to properly time the cooking of your food.
9) 4 drinks for every time he implores you to buy something that "costs a fortune."
10) 5 drinks for every time he shows you food he hasn't previously discussed.

Feel free to play with the rules or add your own, but be prepared to start giving your children Adderall at every meal to avoid turning out like this man.

And as promised, here are some more clips to play with, and as always, my lips to yours.

Here, the Frugal Gourmet discusses how we need to eat LESS beef and cooks several pounds of BRISKET!

Here, ol' Jeff shows you how to cook that classic FRENCH dish, "Sauerkraut and Weenies!" C'est magnifique, non? 

Here, the nutty old coot dishes on Biafra!

No comments:

Post a Comment