Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Kickball Team Names

Alright, gentle readers.

It's February, the Winter Olympics are underway, there's snow EVERYWHERE here in Maryland, but that doesn't mean it's not time to start thinking about that most Caucasian of endeavours. I'm speaking, of course, of grown-ups playing kickball. I realize that those of you watching curling on NBC will point out that there are many more white people pushing stones and sweeping ice in Vancouver, but this is Baltimore City I'm talking about here.

The past two years I have joined in this honkified undertaking of drinking beer and playing schoolyard games on a Saturday morning and I must say it's been an entertaining, albeit seemingly racially biased, activity. Few teams aside from our own host non-whites and when they do, they go to great lengths to show off their racial sensitivity. My favorite opponent has one black guy on their team, and their team name, Reggie and the Crackers, reflects their enthusiasm for non-exclusivity.

Which brings me to my point. A kickball team needs a really good name. Many teams (being that the activity itself involves kicking balls and drinking) focus on sexual innuendo and/or the ability to drink lots of beer. Nothing wrong with that in my book. Helps keep things irreverent, childish and fun. Last year, in fact, we were known as Phil Always Gets to Third Base. Before that, I dubbed our team, Mrs. Bevilacqua's Rock 'n' Roll Explosion in honor of a former co-worker with a proclivity towards sudden, inexplicable outbursts of anger.

This year, however, I'm looking for a way to combine the might and power of Mrs. Bevilacqua's Rock 'n' Roll Explosion with the witty, immature charm of Phil Always Gets to Third Base. I've been racking my brains, but I'm coming up short. I'll keep working on it, but until I can think of something, I'll be taking suggestions from the seven of you who will read this. Leave a comment with your suggestion(s) and we'll see what we can come up with as a group.

And as always,

My lips to yours.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

The Great Roommate Search

So I've been looking for roommates and yesterday I finally posted on craigslist being that I don't seem to know anyone in flux as far as their living situation goes.

The responses I've had are hilarious. These are excerpts from actual responses to my craigslist post from yesterday:

"Hi, my name is Joe R@#$%^a"

I am currently employed at *&^% in C@#$%^&*&e."

So far, so good.

"I'm 48, keep to myself. I work out at the gym and like to check out karaoke nights."

Excellent. I was really worried you'd be out of shape and afraid to sing in public. When I think of a roommate, I think of someone pumping iron and belting out some Luther Vandross. Joe, you sound like the perfect candidate to me.

The next fellow sounded like a good match. Jay, 21 years old, a store manager at Marley Station Mall. He even offered 3 months of rent up front, adding "money isn't a problem here." Good to know!

He then follows it up with this nice little tidbit. "I do have a boyfriend, too, who is over most of the time." Perfect! Lots of gay sex is just what this place needs to liven things up a little bit! Not to mention getting TWO roommates for the price of one! Way to sell yourself, Jay!

So far, the best candidate has been a Greek person (not sure which gender) named Rust who lives in Connecticut, and would "love to live with clean people, caring responsible, neat type." I've had experiences with Greek neat-freaks before and it can be a frightening experience unless you enjoy being chastized on a regular basis for leaving dishes in the sink or not acknowledging on a regular basis that Greece is the greatest country in the history of the world without whom humans would have never evolved into bipeds.

And so the search continues as will my ridicule of the loonies that come my way.

And as always...

My lips to yours.