This post is dedicated to the best Italian boobs in the business and the freakishly large head that perches above them.
Name: Giada de Laurentiis (pronounced DEE-lar-en-tees, unless Giada herself is saying it, in which case it probably sounds more like deh-laurlllerrelleelerr-en-teahhhhhhseehh).
Age: Old enough to know how to "work it" and be slightly terrifying at the same time.
Signature dish: Fresh Pasta Rollatini with Spinach and Ricotta. She only likes this dish because it takes her an hour and a half to pronounce it in her bullshit Italian accent.
Favorite ingredients: Anything she can get away with over-enunciating.
Head size she emulates: Megamind
Favorite animal: The great white shark. Wait...
...Oh there it is. Sometimes I can't tell them apart.
Signature cocktail: Whatever this is, it doesn't have nearly enough rohypnol to put me at ease around this woman.
Signature cooking technique: Adding lemon zest to ANYTHING. If she goes to a baseball game, Giada will put lemon zest on her hot dogs and crackerjacks.
Most difficult part about watching her show: Trying to decide if this woman frightens me or turns me on and realizing that these two things might not be mutually exclusive. Paging Dr. Freud!
If you're wondering about the title to this post, watch an episode of her show and take a sip of beer every time she says the phrase, "just like that," while demonstrating how to, say, add salt to a bowl, then see if you can walk straight after 30 minutes. Five bucks says you can't.
My lips to yours