Friday, May 13, 2011

Proof That Inhaling Too Much Onion Soup Mix Causes Delirium

This post is dedicated to the proud owner of the second best set of boobs on the Food Network.

Name: Sandra Lee. Startlingly similar to Sarah Lee, who has a bevy of fully pre-made foods that Sandra Lee might encourage you to buy. On her cooking show. More on that later.

Age: Unknown

Age of her boobs: Perpetually 23

Signature Dish: Chicken and dumplings, which features a "whole, store-bought roast chicken." This woman's cooking show actually tells you to go buy stuff that's already been cooked. Ingenious, really.

Favorite Ingredient: Onion Soup Mix

Eyebrows She Emulates: Newborn babies.

Signature Tablescape: A repulsive, functionless, Christmas-themed nightmare that becomes increasingly more dangerous with every sugary, vodka-y, Aunt Sandy Cocktail she ingests.

Signature Cocktail: Strawberry Cream Martini (as always, heavy on the vodka, and heavy on the sugar-laden bullshit).

My lips to her boobs.

No comments:

Post a Comment