Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Things They Love at Plentyoffish.com

I'm back, gentle readers, I'm back. And once again it is time to delve into the self-descriptions of the lovelorn ladies at Plentyoffish.com. One of my favorite things about reading the profiles of these oh-so-desirable women is the seemingly endless list of things they profess to love in this crazy, mixed-up world. Let's take a peek at the things that enrapture the hearts of these overly hopeful fishers of men.

Jackie_______281 is pretty much the standard when it comes to stating blatantly obvious things to love: laughing, spending time with friends, music (all kinds!), and animals (especially dogs). This information is extremely useful to guys who really wanted to weed out all those extremely morose girls who love crying, staying away from friends, hearing music of any kind and who like being mean to household pets.
The only thing she's missing from her "lovelist" that's common amongst plentyofffishers is "loving life." I always hate it when they say that because I'm typically only interested in dating dead women.

My children are hungry, but I need to RIDE!

Cap_____08 offers a rather arbitrary list of things she loves, which alarmingly does not include her three children. However, "motorcycles, tattoos, dancing, football, hockey, beaches, boats, jet skis, hanging out with friends" and "taking pics" make her love-list. I wonder what things are like at Cap_____08's house...
"Mommy, can we go to the library today?"
"You can shut the hell up while Mommy gets a new tattoo today, that's what you can do!"
"But Mommy, we need to learn how to read!"
"You don't need to know how to read to have awesome tattoos and ride jet skis! Now get back in your cage, the hockey game is on!"
Just sets your heart a-twitter, doesn't it?

Surprise! I'm boring!

Based on what she claims to love (working out and belonging to XSport Fitness) and her profile pictures, you'll be perfectly happy when Tar_________2011 finally tells you she loves you. That is, if your definition of "love" is something more akin to "extreme neglect." She also loves college basketball, watching movies and watching the same movies over and over. Judging by her pictures, she loves watching basketball and movies a LOT more than she loves belonging to a gym.
She also loves working in her yard, the smell of freshly cut grass and surprises.
Surprise, Tar_________2011! I fell asleep reading your profile!

My lips to yours. I love saying that.

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